Today I wanted to write about the ‘Pink Cloud’. I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while, but wanted to wait until I experienced the feeling coming back to me, today is very much that day…
From speaking to fellows and reading other people who’ve shared their experiences online, the pink cloud is a time in early sobriety where you simply feel great, you feel confident and elated.
So what does the pink cloud feel like and how long does it last? Here’s my experience.
How does It feel?
The experience will be different for everyone, today I feel a sense of peace, purpose and happiness. I feel connected to the world around me, connected to my higher power and feel like the programme and fellowship is supporting and holding me. To feel a sense of happiness on a Wednesday morning is something which I never used to feel.
When I was in the midst of my drinking and using I never felt this way. I’d constantly try to change the way I felt using drink or drugs and which might have temporarily helped at the time, but now I can see that for what it was and see that it was never the same as true happiness or connection.
Today I feel truly happy, today I feel like I am enough. For that I am grateful. Life isn’t easy, there’s lots going on in my life, but the programme gives me strength to deal with them with a steady and reasonable head, I have the tools to better deal with life’s up and downs, It’s a ‘programme for living’ as they say.
How long does it last?
Again this differs from person to person. I’m currently just over seven months and during this time I’ve felt my pink cloud coming and going, sometimes lasting anywhere from a few days to a few weeks at a time before something brings me back down to earth. I’ve found anything can bring me down, it could be a mini-crisis, encounter or conversation, or I could simply wake up one day and be overwhelmed by negative emotions which all make my cloud fade.
When this happens I remember that this is life, it’s natural to feel this way. Life isn’t easy. While my cloud has been stronger at certain times during this period of early sobriety, speaking to other fellows and my sponsor has told me that we can expect these highs (and lows) to lessen over time, which means that our emotions, our emotional range will stop becoming so violent, the range of ups and downs we experience over time will become smaller, more stable and we will gradually level out.
Where does it come from?
Early on in sobriety you are coming to terms with your past, moving away from an old way of life, a way which has been ruled by substance abuse. In early sobriety you experience newfound connections through the fellowship, there’s a support network for you, you begin to experience true feelings after years of changing the way you feel through substance abuse. All of this combined with spiritual progress and growth through the programme and a connection to a higher power of our understanding help us to experience the Pink Cloud.
I’ve made some recent and significant progress and growth. Step 9 has helped me to move on in through making amends to some important people in my life. I’ve been able to rid myself of the emotional baggage I have been carrying for years as I begin to clear the wreckage of my past life. Ultimately it’s about working the steps and putting the programme into action.
I wanted to take this moment to express just how truly grateful I am today, to be a recovering alcoholic and to have the the programme and fellowship in my life, without which I would still be lost.
I’ll leave it there.
/ Jay
